Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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