"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
