it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
