my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
