Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
