at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
