We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
