Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
