it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
jump out the window naked night went bad
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