Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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