it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
