1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
