When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
