i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
