She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
