I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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