Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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