She is in my trunk
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
