What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
