I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
