Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
