My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I want is dick and wine.
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