Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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