I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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