Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
