i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
