I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
