life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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