Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sext me about skeletons
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
