Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
