WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
