What a fucking waste of an outfit
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
