Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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