If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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