I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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