I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
