Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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