yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
