She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
