a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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