you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
