so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
