Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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