I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
