I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
