one two three fourrrrnication!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
