Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
