Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
