I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
