Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
