i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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